Tag: feedback

The strength to restrain

Imagine a scenario where a customer satisfaction rep drops the ball on an account. The sales person, who worked tirelessly to secure the deal, needs to backtrack to save the deal. The customer is frustrated, they want to pay less. A group message is started with all of the parties (except the customer) in copy. The Leader says “customer satisfaction rep, I think it’s best you don’t engage with this customer anymore, and here’s why…” It’s stressful, people are mad, and someone needs to be held accountable.

It’s important for leaders to demonstrate decisiveness and strength at times. They must be able to create and hold accountabilities, and be perceived to be able to punish as well as reward. That said, a skilled leader never publicly humiliates — causing someone to lose face in front of others.

Nothing erodes the trust, morale, or psychological safety of a team more than a leader who publicly humiliates. And, a leader who engages in that way may believe they’re sticking up for the sales person. I argue no.

The sales person, who may have worked hard and may be frustrated, is on the same team as your customer satisfaction rep. They don’t want to see people hurt. They don’t benefit from seeing someone shamed on their account. In fact, it may cause the sales person to think twice before making a mistake — thus eroding morale, trust, and psychological safety.

The better path is to strategically leverage “negativity” and re-affirm the mission. Here’s how it might play out.

(In a Direct Message) Leader: Customer Satisfaction Rep A (Person A), when you did (insert behavior) the customer became upset and distrustful of our product. Don’t do that. Next time, you’re in this scenario, use (insert approach) instead. If you do that, you’ll be able to produce (insert benefit) here.

(In a Direct Message) Leader: Sales Person A (Person B). I am so sorry that I dropped the ball on your deal. I identified the mishap, addressed the issue in our process, and it won’t happen again. I know you work hard on these deals, and it’s important to me, and all of us, that our sales team is successful. Thanks for you partnership.

(In a Group Message) Leader: Person A, Person B, and I spoke. Thank you for the quick connects. I identified the issues in our process. We fixed (insert what you fixed). Here’s what’s happening next… Also, Person A and I discussed our account management strategy going forward and here’s how we’re going to pivot.

This approach is more collaborative, positive, and seeks to build people up. It places the go-forward first. The leaders real strength is realized — the strength to take the hit personally and not publicly shame their team.

Special Note

  • If you’re working with teams that may be locally in countries where losing face is a major offense, it’s even more important for leaders to demonstrates restraint.
  • The space between stimulus and response is the space where you get to decide who and how you are. Don’t discount that time.

Forming impressions, the scientific method, and feedback

A simple way to share feedback is to invite conversation into forming thoughts.

Here’s an example:

“I’m forming an impression that your work is becoming delayed. I think I’m 80% misunderstanding the situation, and I want to check in with you for your thoughts. Have a few minutes to help me?”

The person you’re talking to will appreciate your humility and the invitation for them to participate.

On the call, here’s how you frame it:

“Thanks for helping me through this. Here’s the impression I’m forming – and I think I’m likely wrong – (layout your impression).

I am forming that impression because I’ve noticed (layout your observations).

Where am I misunderstanding things? Where am I wrong? What are your thoughts?

Caveats:

  1. Communication culture matters. This method works if your team members are direct or indirect communicators. Why? Because we’re using the scientific method to share our feedback. The scientific method starts with a hypothesis based on observations. In science, hypothesis are crafted so that they can be dis-proven, that’s when we learn. As a result, indirect people appreciate that you’re not rushing to judgment and direct people appreciate that you’re being fact-based.
  2. Performance Issues. Don’t use this method when there are clear performance issues or violations of codes of conduct. Those must be addressed head on.

Personal Prerequisites

  1. Perspective Taking. It is imperative that you develop the see the worldview of your employee. You likely already have this skill if you’re skilled at negotiating or as a strategist. Leverage that skill towards your team.
  2. Curiosity Your ability to actively listen, repeat back what you heard, and ask thoughtful questions before rushing to judgment are important. You should be curious and desire to learn as much as you can.
  3. Vulnerable. I observe leaders struggle to demonstrate intellectual humility. The ability to admit you might be wrong and ask to be taught strengthens bonds with team members and gives you insights into how they work.

How do I teach my team to do this?

In your next 1on1 with a manager on your team:

  1. Ask the manager to pick a team member they want to give feedback to and tell you the feedback they want to give.
  2. Be Curious and Challenge the manager: How certain are you that the basis for your feedback is 100% accurate?
  3. Be Curious and Challenge the manager to provide evidence and question the quality of the evidence.
  4. Share with the manager your forming thoughts on their feedback. Invite the manager to give you their thoughts on your forming impression.
  5. Go meta and ask the manager what just happened. “What did we just do and how did I do it?”
  6. Ask the manager “How might you do this with your team members on your next 1on1?”

Doesn’t this make me less decisive?

No. The perceived quality of your decision making is improved by your ability to collect data inputs, analyze that data, and then make a data-driven decision. Your teams will trust you because you are a thoughtful decision maker.

In addition to your improving your leadership brand, you’ll also improve your talent retention. People on my team have declined offers that are 2x their current salary to stay because of the quality of coaching they receive from me. I know this is true because the team member shared the offer letter with me.

The collaborative approach I am pitching to you works. I know it works because I use it; employees tell me that they appreciate my collaborative nature and how it pushes them to grow in their roles and as people. There’s no magic. You can do it.

Feedback 101 – Engage vs Tell

Instead of thinking about how to give feedback, what feedback to give, or when to give it; consider engaging in your team’s work.

When team members first join my team, they typically ask how I handle feedback. I typically answer, I don’t give feedback. I get a puzzled look.

Many managers, perhaps you, engage with their teams by sharing their feedback on their work. They will offer balanced critique of what they like and then offer areas for improvement. Skilled managers help their teams grow by engaging in their development. That method works, but it positions the manager (in my opinion) more like a professor vs a fan.

I share that I am their biggest fan. And as their biggest fan I want to engage with them in their work. I want to help them strategize, be a second pair of eyes as they make interpretations of data, and be their negotiating sparring partner. I share that I’m happy to play the role of editor if they need. When they’re ready to pitch, I often ask if I can play the customer so that I can give them ideas at the end that will help them prepare. After their pitch, I’ll ask how it went — what did they expect to happen, what happened, and what learnings can we pull forward for the next pitch.

In that process I shared, where is the feedback? Where is the point where I ask, “may I share feedback?”

People want to tell themselves a story about themselves. In that story, they are doing work that matters. The best way to show someone that their work matters is to engage as a fan.