A simple way to share feedback is to invite conversation into forming thoughts.
Here’s an example:
“I’m forming an impression that your work is becoming delayed. I think I’m 80% misunderstanding the situation, and I want to check in with you for your thoughts. Have a few minutes to help me?”
The person you’re talking to will appreciate your humility and the invitation for them to participate.
On the call, here’s how you frame it:
“Thanks for helping me through this. Here’s the impression I’m forming – and I think I’m likely wrong – (layout your impression).
I am forming that impression because I’ve noticed (layout your observations).
Where am I misunderstanding things? Where am I wrong? What are your thoughts?
Caveats:
- Communication culture matters. This method works if your team members are direct or indirect communicators. Why? Because we’re using the scientific method to share our feedback. The scientific method starts with a hypothesis based on observations. In science, hypothesis are crafted so that they can be dis-proven, that’s when we learn. As a result, indirect people appreciate that you’re not rushing to judgment and direct people appreciate that you’re being fact-based.
- Performance Issues. Don’t use this method when there are clear performance issues or violations of codes of conduct. Those must be addressed head on.
Personal Prerequisites
- Perspective Taking. It is imperative that you develop the see the worldview of your employee. You likely already have this skill if you’re skilled at negotiating or as a strategist. Leverage that skill towards your team.
- Curiosity Your ability to actively listen, repeat back what you heard, and ask thoughtful questions before rushing to judgment are important. You should be curious and desire to learn as much as you can.
- Vulnerable. I observe leaders struggle to demonstrate intellectual humility. The ability to admit you might be wrong and ask to be taught strengthens bonds with team members and gives you insights into how they work.
How do I teach my team to do this?
In your next 1on1 with a manager on your team:
- Ask the manager to pick a team member they want to give feedback to and tell you the feedback they want to give.
- Be Curious and Challenge the manager: How certain are you that the basis for your feedback is 100% accurate?
- Be Curious and Challenge the manager to provide evidence and question the quality of the evidence.
- Share with the manager your forming thoughts on their feedback. Invite the manager to give you their thoughts on your forming impression.
- Go meta and ask the manager what just happened. “What did we just do and how did I do it?”
- Ask the manager “How might you do this with your team members on your next 1on1?”
Doesn’t this make me less decisive?
No. The perceived quality of your decision making is improved by your ability to collect data inputs, analyze that data, and then make a data-driven decision. Your teams will trust you because you are a thoughtful decision maker.
In addition to your improving your leadership brand, you’ll also improve your talent retention. People on my team have declined offers that are 2x their current salary to stay because of the quality of coaching they receive from me. I know this is true because the team member shared the offer letter with me.
The collaborative approach I am pitching to you works. I know it works because I use it; employees tell me that they appreciate my collaborative nature and how it pushes them to grow in their roles and as people. There’s no magic. You can do it.
Talent Revolution 